My Dream Job Involves Hot Dogs

It’s a question you start writing about in grade school and something you discuss until you pass on, unless you actually achieve it: what would be your favorite job?

It was suggested that Baseball HOF President Jeff Idelson might have the best job in the world as the caretaker of the some of the finest memorabilia in the world. Hob-nobbing with diamond greats wouldn’t be too shabby either.

But I was thinking about some other “dream” jobs in the sports world, so I thought I’d share some of mine and in turn hope to hear some of yours. This is a fantasy that doesn’t deal with how much money you make, rather the enjoyment of the position.

One of the first jobs I would like to try is being a promotions director for a minor league baseball team. You get to use your imagination to come up with new promotions and on-field entertainment, and the crowd always enjoys the sideshow. As long as you avoid dynamite, nickel beers and scary clowns, you should be all right.

I think another great job would be serving as a bullpen catcher. You suit up with the team, handle all of the pitchers and do . . . nothing else. Sure, it would be nice to actually be on the field, but this is the next best thing. Plus, you still get to hear insults from the opposing crowd on the road, and some of that is really entertaining.

Being a mascot has always been intriguing, but after watching kids beat on the Kool-Aid man before a Milwaukee Bucks game in the early 1990s, I’ve softened on that one. But if I could be a mascot that does all those crazy slam dunks off of a trampoline, that might win me over.

I was also thinking about being one of the guys that holds the yardage markers on the sidelines in football games, but you see too many guys get drilled by a running back headed out of bounds. Perhaps being the sound guy that carries the big saucer-like device would be better – I could use that for protection.

I also figure a “spotter” in NASCAR can’t be that difficult, although you can’t control the driver so if he does something unexpected that makes your reporting inaccurate, you might catch the blame for wrecking an expensive car. I’d take the chance though.

I didn’t mention anything about being a professional athlete, because I knew early on that wasn’t realistic. But shooting hot dogs from a gun is.

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