Even if you’re not one of the millions to actually play Fantasy
Football, you’ve undoubtedly encountered the affects of it. It’s become
so big these days that there really is no where to hide from it.
who works in an office or basically anybody who ever ventures out of
their house from time to time has run into one of the Fantasy Football
guys described below. They come in all shapes and sizes and the all have a different
type of personality depending on their experience in playing the game.
been playing myself since 1991 and during that time the “game” has
evolved from a small niche to a billion-dollar business which has
spawned a whole new breed of players. Depending on your own level of
experience playing, you’ve likely come across or have morphed into one
of these guys yourself. I’ve done my best to try and avoid the
transformation myself but I will admit I’ve likely taken on the
personality of each and every one of them during my 19 seasons. After several years of counseling, I think I’m much better now.
If you play,
you might recognize the descriptions that follow and see a little of
yourself in each and every one them. If you don’t play, you might at
least understand your co-workers better and identify which definition
fits which person best. For those who play the game and you see yourself
identifying with two or more of these personality types, get some help
would ya? You’re annoying everyone around you.
Fantasy Football Personality Types
(not in order of annoyance)
1. 12-League Know-It-All Guy:
This is the guy who joins way too many leagues with the idea that if he
joins a dozen leagues he’s bound to win one of them. Unfortunately for
anybody playing in more than two leagues, he’ll undoubtedly be cheering
for several players on Sunday only to find out those same players are
costing him the victory in one of his other leagues. Remember, just like
girlfriends after the age of 30, it’s quality over quantity that you’re
looking for here. Join a league or two and enjoy. Any more than that
and you’ll drain every ounce of fun out of your Sunday afternoons.
2. Woe-Is-Me Guy:
This is the guy who feels he would win every league he enters if he
could just avoid injuries. Newsflash buddy: the NFL has major injuries
every year on every teams. Get used to it and stop your whining.
3. Luck-Be-A-Lady-Tonight Guy:
This guys insists that Fantasy Football is all luck when his team comes
up short but also insists he’s a genius when his squad comes out on
top. Can’t have it both ways people. Fact is you need to be lucky to win
any Fantasy sport you play (see No. 2).
4. Jeckyl-and-Hyde Guy:
This is the guy who wants to talk about nothing but his Fantasy team
when he wins on any particular week but then pretends to be more
interested in the yard work he got done over the weekend when he comes
up short. Are you a fanatic or are you in the league to make some new
friends and talk about your gardening prowess? Pick one and stick with it would ya?
5. Waiver-Wire Wonder Guy: This
is the guy who makes five transaction pick-ups 10 minutes after your
draft ends and doesn’t stop working the waiver wire until the offseason.
He’s constantly making pick-ups and exchanging his tight ends each week
based on their matchups. And if your league charges for transactions
made, he typically ends up “winning” $100 for finishing in 2nd place but
owes $75 for his transaction fees, effectively killing his profit
6. Curious George Guy: This is the guy who professes
to be a fantasy veteran with mad skills but yet he comes to your for
advice before he makes any of his moves, whether it’s who to play from
week to week or if a trade makes sense. And the funniest part of it is,
he typically disguises his numerous queries by saying, “Just curious,
what would you do?” “Yeah, that’s what I was gonna do, too.” Think it through and pull the trigger would ya? I
got my own team to worry about.
7. It’s-Not-A-Lie-If-You-Believe-It Guy: There is one of these guys in every office. The guy who tells you so much about his team that you eventually know it better than your own whether you want to or not. During the course of you getting to know his squad you can get a pretty good sense of how this team is doing from week to week. But yet to help himself feel better about his pathetic squad he starts to be bend the truth a bit about his weekly results. Then when you question how he can be stacking up the “Ws” week after week with half his squad on Injured Reserve, he says something to the effect of “he pulled out another close one” or “It’s a good thing the team I was playing sucked more than mine.” Whatever helps you sleep buddy. It’s fantasy football, not life or death. No need to lie about it.
8. Originally Slim-Shady Guy: This is the guy who tries to trade you his back-up kicker for Peyton Manning every year. You know the guy, the one that offers a pile of garbage and then starts rattling off stats of why you’ll enjoy that same garbage and how much he’ll miss having that garbage guy on his team. He hits up every owner of every team in the league spewing his non-sense trades until all his phone calls are screened, his emails go straight to the trash and he’s “unfriended” by every one of them on Facebook. Time for you to find 11 grandma’s who want to join a league so you can start ripping them off because nobody’s buying what you’re selling.
Beware of all of these guys and especially be afraid of the guy who possesses all of these traits. They’re killing Fantasy Football as we know it.