ESPN had “breaking news” that the New York Times was reporting that Barry Bonds used steroids. In my constant effort to compete with the worldwide leader in sports, I’m breaking the following stories:
9/11 was an historic day in U.S. history
Hurley on Lost is carrying a few extra pounds
Victoria Secret model Adrianna Lima is somewhat attractive
Michael Jordan could play a little basketball
The U.S. economy has seen better days
The Super Bowl is a popular sporting event
Charles Barkley enjoys gambling
Michael Phelps knows his way around a pool
Brad Pitt does well with the ladies
Rocky Balboa thrived in the role of underdog
I’m currently working on another story titled “Winter is cold, Summer is hot” but I still have to substantiate the facts surrounding that claim.
So Barry Bonds did use steroids? Wow, never saw that one coming. Sure, he grew three full hat sizes in a five-year span and transformed himself from a spray-hitting leadoff hitter into the game’s greatest power hitter over that same time span, but wasn’t it all because he worked out more than the rest?
I realize ESPN has to do its due diligence and report stories like these when they continually turn up month after month, year after year and eye witness after eye witness, but enough already. I don’t care how slow a news day it may have been, Bonds using steroids hasn’t been news for more than eight years now so let’s take the “Breaking News” label off this story and call it what it really is: Sh%t we’ve known for years. C’mon ESPN, act like you been there before and quit trying to fool us with your non-stories.