Living in Wisconsin can make for some long winter months. Typically
from late November until late March the weather is in the 0-30 degree
range and we get our fair share of snow, even if you East Coast guys
may have us beat in that department this year. The weather makes for
some long, dreary days absent of sun with warm temperatures AWOL as
From fall until the start of February, I’ve always got my good friend
football to help get me through. But now that my friend has left me for
his yearly vacation, I’m stuck searching for something, someone, to
fulfill that void and so far, nothing has even come close.
I first turned to college basketball to get my fix, but until each of
the 64 teams is fitted for their dancing shoes in mid-March, the
nightly regular-season conference games just don’t seem that relevant.
Sure, you want your favorite team to finish the season strong, get a
higher seed in the tourney and maybe get a chance to play an
opening-round game near home. But good teams will beat the bad teams no
matter if they’re playing 50 miles from their own campus or on the
courts The Others made on Lost. It doesn’t matter, talent
wins almost every time. So, while college hoops has helped, it’s just
not the same as football. Maybe I’ll join an NCAA Basketball Fantasy
League and see if that does the trick? Oh yeah, the season is almost
over, maybe next year.
Other alternatives for a sports fan searching to cure the winter blues
is NASCAR, but come on, let’s be serious. Never liked it, never will.
Too boring, round and round they go when they’ll stop nobody knows.
Well, I do. About five hours from now. I’d rather go roll around in the
snow for five hours with just my socks on than sit through an entire
NASCAR race. I’ll tune in for the last five minutes, but that’s all I
Then there’s NHL hockey. I think if we had a local team in my area to
cheer for I could embrace it a little more. Unfortunately for the NHL
and its dwindling fan base, that’s not the case, as the Chicago
Blackhawks are the closest in proximity. And anybody who knows anything
about the rules of sports knows I’m legally forbidden to root for any
teams from the Windy City.
The Winter Olympics has provided me with a bonus outlet this year, but
so far the storylines coming out of Vancouver are about as interesting
as Chloe’s home videos on Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Note
to the directors of that show: Sex videos featuring Kim equal big
ratings; sex videos featuring Chloe equal big chunks in my mouth. I’d
rather watch cross-country skiing time trials.
Being an avid golfer I’m one of the three people out there that can
actually stomach a tournament broadcast on TV. While the Tiger-less
Tour is a lot like watching Chris Rock do stand-up without using
profanity, I can usually get a couple hours worth of viewing out it
before nap time sets in. And if you’re sick with a bad cold and need
some rest, skip the Tylenol PM and put away the Vicks Formula 44D,
simply throw on any PGA Tour event and nighty, night. Seriously, they
should create a 15-minute CD of last year’s John Deere Classic telecast
and sell in the sleep-aid section of your local pharmacy because any
non-major will make you drowsy every time.
So after searching far and wide for an NFL alternative, I’ve come up
empty yet again. According to the furry rat that saw his shadow, we’ve
still got four more weeks of winter. And while I can’t imagine ever
rooting for the Bears that call Soldier Field home, I think I’ll steal
an idea from their mascot and go into hibernation. I’ll start by
watching this weekend’s Accenture Match Play Championships and I’ll
undoubtedly be sleeping by the fifth hole. Good night everybody, wake
me up in mid-April when the NFL Draft starts.